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"...Forget about the sharks and swim..."

Feb. 8th, 2012

12:31 am

Mood: jumpy, tired but wide awake, nostalgic
Music: nothing. Pretty quiet here.
Location: in bed at my apartment in Tucson

I seriously haven't written in here since before I graduated from college almost three years ago. WOW. A new Megan record. I don't know yet if I've got anything to say right now, but I always feel like I have to get something done on paper (or computer?), so I guess I've got to start again somewhere.

I downloaded the LJ app on my phone. I was soooo relieved to see my entire journal still in tact. One of my biggest fears is that this journal will somehow be deleted and I will have lost everything. My memory is awful and so in losing this journal, I'd lose memories. it is hard, looking back at certain things, people, and situations, to separate fact from fiction. I can't trust myself to supply myself with factual memories. I fully rely on what I've written in the past to supplement my memory bank. How awful! Most of the time I will tell myself that certain things happened or must've happened, and I don't believe myself. I think most of the time I am lying to myself. Lord knows why (or how!)

Things have been good. Not bad, not great; just good. Sometimes, good is all you can ask for. I think God is giving me (or putting me through a time of non-excitement) to give me time to focus on me, and to build a better Megan. I think I'm well on my way. I know I'm quite capable of making anything I want manifest itself, I just have to stop being so lazy about everything. I will sleep when I'm dead. Now is the time to live. I have to make more time for myself and to figure out what I have to do in order to get what I want. I don't really know what I want...still. And I'm nearly 25.5 years old (which scares the daylights out of me...sounds sooo old!)

I like a much older woman again. And she's straight, as usual. Or so she says. It doesn't even matter. There was one woman in my past that I still, to this very minute, only have a heart for. And she has a girlfriend. I know I will see her again. I just don't know when or how or if I'm going to have to make that happen, or I'd it just will by itself like things in my life usually do.

My family is great. My dad, my grandma, and Kennedy, are my loves. And my dogs. I am blessed to have such beautiful souls in my life.

I have to work in exactly eight hours, so I suppose I should sleep. I'm glad to be writing again and I hope it becomes addictive again; I hope it sticks.

Goodnight

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Apr. 1st, 2009

12:55 am - I'm so scared.

42 days until I graduate college.

IF

I pass my classes.

Current Location: Sitting on bed - Tempe
Current Mood: worriedworried
Current Music: None - too late

Mar. 30th, 2009

03:06 pm - Some K quotes

4-6-9
"I pamper this pet rock like none other."

-talking about her new toy our mom got her

................

3-30-9

(K has to play the recorder for music class at school. They've been learning the song Hot Cross Buns, and K's been practicing it at home. She was tested to see how well she knew it today in school)

Mom: K is now a Hot Cross Buns professional. She passed the test.

K: (in a disgusted voice) I don't even wanna talk about it.
 
................
 
3-9-9
"Is the weather unpredictable there?" K asked, when I was talking about London.
 
................

 2-19-9

 "I look cute from the shins up." K said, because she loved her outfit but hated the shoes our mom was making her wear

................

 12-?-8

 "You know, this is live. Everybody's playing it, even Asian people." K said, trying to explain how worldwide the ClubPenguin computer game she was playing online really is.

 ................

 2-27-8

 "He has 'sposable thumbs or something I guess." K said, after her and I had a conversation about that chimp that attacked that woman

 ................

 3-?-9

 "Pizza has a lot of trans fat. It's not healthy." K said to me after she complained of being hungry and I told her to grab a slice of the pizza my mom had ordered earlier for dinner

 



 

Current Location: ASU - Hayden Library
Current Mood: amusedamused
Current Music: None

Nov. 1st, 2008

12:44 pm - K's 'No On 102' plea

My grandma came into the house today and was showing me a 'Yes on Prop 102' flier that was on our doorknob, and K saw it, and asked me what it meant. I explained to her what Prop 102 is, and she immediately said she wanted to write a letter.

I don't like when kids are involved in politics, but K really wanted to write a letter, so, I couldn't really stop her.


So anyways, here's what she wrote:

VOTE
NO
TO
102


 what is rong whith pelpoe? Why whoud you not let gay pelpoe get married? Why whoud ou care if there happy? you should be happy to. it is like saying that straight pepoe can't get married. whell i hope you understand!
 

Current Mood: happyProud of K
Current Music: None - K talking

Jul. 24th, 2008

03:42 am - Can't wait

The morning I left LA, Em told me she can't wait until she's back in Dallas this fall/winter so that her and I can "start having fun again like before."

Yay

:)

Current Mood: busyBored
Current Music: None - Ellen is on

Jul. 19th, 2008

03:00 pm - Not sure of exact date/time

In a text to Jana while I was in LA, I said:

I feel so unbelievably lucky when I'm around her. She's such a cool, fun, funny, charismatic, beautiful, smart, interesting woman. I keep asking myself what on earth I ever must've done right to have the pleasure of knowing her, and what on earth could possibly make her want to spend time with ME. Blows my mind.

Current Location: Los Angeles
Current Mood: pleasedHappy, shocked
Current Music: N/A

Jun. 2nd, 2008

11:52 am - For now there's nothing to talk about.

Por ahora ya no hay nada que hablarCollapse )

Current Mood: tiredOk/sleepy
Current Music: Office radio music is still on

11:32 am - I miss my baby...

 

K asked my mom if she got her “eculus stimulus check” yet. HAHA. We were all cracking up.

 

I’m so thankful my baby is healthy and perfect and alive.

Unfortunately,

the Lydon’s got some more bad news today about their 9 year-old, Rehanna. Apparently her muscular cancer (which had only been thought to be in her spine) has now spread to her bone marrow, and she has a mass in her colon. The bone marrow cancer is untreatable. We are all sick over it. It’s horrible and disgusting. Her parents are just beside themselves. It’s horrifying. I’d want to die if it was my own baby It's sick enough when it's someone else's.

A Sad UpdateCollapse )

Current Mood: disappointedSad/nauseated/pensive/angry
Current Music: Faint office radio is playing music...Mariah Carey?

May. 29th, 2008

11:16 pm - LiFe

 On May 30th, 2008 at 12:31am (east coast time) or 9:31pm (west coast time), K texted me this from my mom's phone:

it ken How are you doing i miss you lots about when are you gonna come and visit

I love that kid so much.
She lightens up my minute, day, week, month, year, LIFE.

Current Location: Pittsburgh - lying on bed
Current Mood: lovedloved
Current Music: None now

May. 22nd, 2008

11:29 am - Life sucks sometimes...a lot of the time...

My uncle's very best friends' oldest daughter, Rheanna, is 8 yrs-old. They just found out that she has cancer and has 2 years max to live. I want to vomit. Thats somebody's Kennedy. So so horrible. Ugh.

Current Location: Tucson - sitting on couch
Current Mood: sadSad, nauseous, disgusted.
Current Music: None - tv is on

08:00 am - O goody

Libra, May 22:
Don't worry if you start off this day feeling a bit depressed -- it won't last long.
by astrology.com
 

Current Mood: blankblank
Current Music: None - tv is on

May. 11th, 2008

04:55 pm - Totally made my day/month/year/...life...

 K made me a mother's day card.
It reads as follows: 

Dear Megan,
you are the best person ever. You are number one.
I loved you since I met you and the reason I am
writing you this letter for mother's day is you are
like my mom! I LOVE U!

"I knew I loved you before I met you."

(She added the quote at the end because she knows it's part of "her" song... It was the song I heard when we were on the way to the hospital to have her. And the lyrics fit perfectly. I play it for her sometimes. It's the Savage Garden song.)

Anyways,
she's the best.

Current Mood: lovedloved
Current Music: None - ceiling fan blowing around

May. 8th, 2008

05:08 pm - Lock & Key

 K found a Masterlock
when we walked through the desert two days ago.
She was very excited
but bummed when she realized it was locked.

K cracked its code,
and ran through the house cheering.
I'm not sure I've ever seen her so excited.
It was adorable.

Now she locks up her backpack.

Current Location: Tucson - sitting on couch
Current Mood: happyMadly in love w/ K
Current Music: None - tv is on, blah

Apr. 14th, 2008

04:45 pm - Why did I sleep in her bed with her...?

Well,
because holding her hand in mine,
hearing her breath steady as she fell asleep,
& having her right beside me

just felt Right.



*shrugs*

Current Location: ASU - COOR comp lab
Current Mood: confusedI'm alright. Sleepy tho.
Current Music: None

Mar. 24th, 2008

03:46 pm - My personality paints this picture...


Click here to create your own painting.

Current Location: Tempe - ASU - COOR comp lab
Current Mood: curiousIndifferent, sleepy, restless
Current Music: None - the clicking of the keyboard

Mar. 9th, 2008

04:58 am - Sometimes, being the key word here...

“People dream for miracles every day...and sometimes they come true.”

I just heard that on some movie they have on.

Current Mood: tiredTired, sobering up a bit, etc.
Current Music: None - tv on & girls chatter

Mar. 7th, 2008

03:33 pm - Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium



"It is what it is, nothing more."

Eric Applebaum: My hat's stuck.
Molly Mahoney: Ha... looks like you're gonna need a ladder.
Eric Applebaum: Naah. I just need to jump higher.
Molly Mahoney: Eric... that's seven feet, at least.
Eric Applebaum: Seven feet? Really?
Molly Mahoney: At least.
Eric Applebaum: You think I should get a running start?

"It's a perfect fact."

"Your life is an occasion, rise to it."

Henry Weston: Anything can happen, sir.
Mr. Edward Magorium: Anything can happen. How absolutely true.

"All stories, even the ones we love, must eventually come to an end and when they do, it's only an opportunity for another story to begin."

"Unlikely adventures require unlikely tools."

Molly Mahoney: I'm stuck!
Mr. Edward Magorium: Oh, to my floor?
Molly Mahoney: No, sir.
Mr. Edward Magorium: Then what?
Molly Mahoney: Like a person.


Current Mood: curiousHmmm
Current Music: None - tvs going in two different rooms

Mar. 2nd, 2008

09:14 pm - Hmmmmmmmmmm





I see a baby dyke...teehee

Current Location: Tempe - lying on my bed
Current Mood: crazyCurious!
Current Music: None - watching the video

Feb. 29th, 2008

12:53 am - Something needs to change

Current Location: Tempe - lying on my bed
Current Mood: sadSad, but energized for change
Current Music: None yet

Feb. 23rd, 2008

08:16 pm - Finally

So today wasn't a complete waste...

I jazzed up my resume,
got it all updated & everything,
& then
I applied to FIVE jobs today.
They were all either writing & tutoring.
I'm excited!

My resume looked pretty awesome,
(if I do say so myself.)


My fingers are crossed.



:)

Current Location: Tempe - ASU - COOR comp lab
Current Mood: pleasedProud, yay!
Current Music: iTunes - bunches of stuff - currently Paula Cole

Feb. 21st, 2008

10:17 pm

Life is more than who we are.Collapse )

Current Location: Tempe - sitting in bed
Current Mood: blankWeird
Current Music: iTunes - currently, Goo Goo Dolls

Feb. 10th, 2008

03:01 pm - A Zen Story

There was a boy who lived in a village.
On his birthday, he was given a horse.
The villagers rejoiced, 'Oh good! He got a horse!'
And the Zen Master said, 'We'll see.'
Not long after the boy falls from the horse and breaks his leg.
The villagers say 'How terrible, he broke his leg.'
But the Zen Master said, 'We'll see.'
Then a war breaks out
and because the boy was injured he can't go fight in the war.
The villagers said, 'Oh good, he is safe from the war."
And the Zen Master said, 'We'll see.'"



Hmmmmmmmmmmm

Current Mood: blankI'm alright
Current Music: None - airplanes outside, chatter on the phone

01:01 am - The love gets pushed away.

So I got stupid tonight.
Stupid drunk, that is.
Still am.

But I met a girl.
Two girls actually.
I gotta start going to these gay things
more often.
I met a new best friend too.
Justin.
He's my male counterpart.
Wow. Such a cutie
and what a sweet guy.
We talked ALL night
and sat beside each other
and drank wine.

And I totally asked a new girl out.
Her name is also Megan.
She's a PhD student
and she is Shane-ish
and totally adorable.
I like her voice.
We've texted since I left.
I'll play it cool tho.

I've thought about Emily all night.
I texted her about the flights
and how I want to make the reservations
from now on
and I didn't hear back from her.
It's like,
I am in love w/ her,
but I am so frustrated and annoyed w/ her right now
that the love gets pushed away.
And I hate for that to happen,
but it is.
She has a lot to do to make me feel better
if she wants me to come there next weekend.
And I sort of want to........
.......because, like an ass, I miss her.....
...even tho she treats me like shit.
WHY IS THAT???


I'll have to write more about tonight
tomorrow
because I drank too much tonight
and because I feel sick right now.

Gnite

Current Mood: drunkDrunk-ish, exhausted, ok, etc.
Current Music: Indigo Girls - Least Complicated

Feb. 7th, 2008

09:33 pm - Life, on shuffle.

I have been  in the computer lab for a while now.
FINALLY I finished my assignments.
I did all three labs (including two charts)
and I wrote a stupid couplet poem.
These poetry classes are ridiculously easy.
There's a reason I'm not opting to take the fiction writing classes, lol.

Guess who ending up being able to help me with my Excel assignment?
DAVE.
Wow huh.
He's not as dumb as he looks.
Ha.

Not a single goddamn word from You-Know-Who.
Can you believe the balls on her?
Adding Jamie to the list and everything last week,
after SHE ASKED ME TO.
Geezus.
I'm the idiot here.
I give and give and give,
'til there's nothing left but anger from being used.
Maybe that's my lesson in this...
hmmm...

I had ice cream earlier.
Coldstone.

I wanna go home and watch my movie.
I think I'll walk it 
and listen to my iPod
on shuffle.

 

Current Mood: accomplishedBetter, but still annoyed.
Current Music: iPod on shuffle - currently Outkast

06:50 pm - Dumb Dumb Dumb

Ok I'm pretty annoyed.
For multiple reasons actually,
but the most important being
the fact that ever since I had to erase my computer
and reload everything,
I don't have Microsoft Office,
and therefore do not have Excel,
and therefore am having a helluva time doing my assignment.
So now I have to go back on campus
to the lab
and work on it there.
So dumb.


Oh,
and I hate girls.

Officially this time.

I'm gonna finish my hummus,
call Kelly on my way to the lab,
seethe a bit,
attempt to do my assignment before it's due at midnight,
go home,
call Dell to renew my warranty,
and finish watching 'Lost In Translation.'


*sighs*

Current Location: Tempe - King Tut's
Current Mood: pissed offPissy, annoyed, tired, etc.
Current Music: Arabic stuff they're playing here

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