"...Forget about the sharks and swim..."
Feb. 8th, 2012
Mood: jumpy, tired but wide awake, nostalgic
Music: nothing. Pretty quiet here.
Location: in bed at my apartment in Tucson
I seriously haven't written in here since before I graduated from college almost three years ago. WOW. A new Megan record. I don't know yet if I've got anything to say right now, but I always feel like I have to get something done on paper (or computer?), so I guess I've got to start again somewhere.
I downloaded the LJ app on my phone. I was soooo relieved to see my entire journal still in tact. One of my biggest fears is that this journal will somehow be deleted and I will have lost everything. My memory is awful and so in losing this journal, I'd lose memories. it is hard, looking back at certain things, people, and situations, to separate fact from fiction. I can't trust myself to supply myself with factual memories. I fully rely on what I've written in the past to supplement my memory bank. How awful! Most of the time I will tell myself that certain things happened or must've happened, and I don't believe myself. I think most of the time I am lying to myself. Lord knows why (or how!)
Things have been good. Not bad, not great; just good. Sometimes, good is all you can ask for. I think God is giving me (or putting me through a time of non-excitement) to give me time to focus on me, and to build a better Megan. I think I'm well on my way. I know I'm quite capable of making anything I want manifest itself, I just have to stop being so lazy about everything. I will sleep when I'm dead. Now is the time to live. I have to make more time for myself and to figure out what I have to do in order to get what I want. I don't really know what I want...still. And I'm nearly 25.5 years old (which scares the daylights out of me...sounds sooo old!)
I like a much older woman again. And she's straight, as usual. Or so she says. It doesn't even matter. There was one woman in my past that I still, to this very minute, only have a heart for. And she has a girlfriend. I know I will see her again. I just don't know when or how or if I'm going to have to make that happen, or I'd it just will by itself like things in my life usually do.
My family is great. My dad, my grandma, and Kennedy, are my loves. And my dogs. I am blessed to have such beautiful souls in my life.
I have to work in exactly eight hours, so I suppose I should sleep. I'm glad to be writing again and I hope it becomes addictive again; I hope it sticks.
Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.
Apr. 1st, 2009
12:55 am - I'm so scared.
42 days until I graduate college.
I pass my classes.
Mar. 30th, 2009
03:06 pm - Some K quotes
"I pamper this pet rock like none other."
-talking about her new toy our mom got her
(K has to play the recorder for music class at school. They've been learning the song Hot Cross Buns, and K's been practicing it at home. She was tested to see how well she knew it today in school)
Mom: K is now a Hot Cross Buns professional. She passed the test.
"I look cute from the shins up." K said, because she loved her outfit but hated the shoes our mom was making her wear
"You know, this is live. Everybody's playing it, even Asian people." K said, trying to explain how worldwide the ClubPenguin computer game she was playing online really is.
"He has 'sposable thumbs or something I guess." K said, after her and I had a conversation about that chimp that attacked that woman
"Pizza has a lot of trans fat. It's not healthy." K said to me after she complained of being hungry and I told her to grab a slice of the pizza my mom had ordered earlier for dinner
Nov. 1st, 2008
12:44 pm - K's 'No On 102' plea
My grandma came into the house today and was showing me a 'Yes on Prop 102' flier that was on our doorknob, and K saw it, and asked me what it meant. I explained to her what Prop 102 is, and she immediately said she wanted to write a letter.
I don't like when kids are involved in politics, but K really wanted to write a letter, so, I couldn't really stop her.
So anyways, here's what she wrote:
Jul. 24th, 2008
03:42 am - Can't wait
The morning I left LA, Em told me she can't wait until she's back in Dallas this fall/winter so that her and I can "start having fun again like before."
Jul. 19th, 2008
03:00 pm - Not sure of exact date/time
In a text to Jana while I was in LA, I said:
I feel so unbelievably lucky when I'm around her. She's such a cool, fun, funny, charismatic, beautiful, smart, interesting woman. I keep asking myself what on earth I ever must've done right to have the pleasure of knowing her, and what on earth could possibly make her want to spend time with ME. Blows my mind.
Jun. 2nd, 2008
11:32 am - I miss my baby...
K asked my mom if she got her “eculus stimulus check” yet. HAHA. We were all cracking up.
I’m so thankful my baby is healthy and perfect and alive.
the Lydon’s got some more bad news today about their 9 year-old, Rehanna. Apparently her muscular cancer (which had only been thought to be in her spine) has now spread to her bone marrow, and she has a mass in her colon. The bone marrow cancer is untreatable. We are all sick over it. It’s horrible and disgusting. Her parents are just beside themselves. It’s horrifying. I’d want to die if it was my own baby It's sick enough when it's someone else's.
May. 29th, 2008
11:16 pm - LiFe
On May 30th, 2008 at 12:31am (east coast time) or 9:31pm (west coast time), K texted me this from my mom's phone:
it ken How are you doing i miss you lots about when are you gonna come and visit
I love that kid so much.
She lightens up my minute, day, week, month, year, LIFE.
May. 22nd, 2008
My uncle's very best friends' oldest daughter, Rheanna, is 8 yrs-old. They just found out that she has cancer and has 2 years max to live. I want to vomit. Thats somebody's Kennedy. So so horrible. Ugh.
08:00 am - O goody
Libra, May 22:
Don't worry if you start off this day feeling a bit depressed -- it won't last long.
May. 11th, 2008
K made me a mother's day card.
It reads as follows:
you are the best person ever. You are number one.
I loved you since I met you and the reason I am
writing you this letter for mother's day is you are
like my mom! I LOVE U!
"I knew I loved you before I met you."
(She added the quote at the end because she knows it's part of "her" song... It was the song I heard when we were on the way to the hospital to have her. And the lyrics fit perfectly. I play it for her sometimes. It's the Savage Garden song.)
she's the best.
May. 8th, 2008
05:08 pm - Lock & Key
K found a Masterlock
when we walked through the desert two days ago.
She was very excited
but bummed when she realized it was locked.
K cracked its code,
and ran through the house cheering.
I'm not sure I've ever seen her so excited.
It was adorable.
Now she locks up her backpack.
Apr. 14th, 2008
because holding her hand in mine,
hearing her breath steady as she fell asleep,
& having her right beside me
just felt Right.
Mar. 24th, 2008
Mar. 9th, 2008
“People dream for miracles every day...and sometimes they come true.”
I just heard that on some movie they have on.
Mar. 7th, 2008
03:33 pm - Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium
"It is what it is, nothing more."
Eric Applebaum: My hat's stuck.
Molly Mahoney: Ha... looks like you're gonna need a ladder.
Eric Applebaum: Naah. I just need to jump higher.
Molly Mahoney: Eric... that's seven feet, at least.
Eric Applebaum: Seven feet? Really?
Molly Mahoney: At least.
Eric Applebaum: You think I should get a running start?
"It's a perfect fact."
"Your life is an occasion, rise to it."
Henry Weston: Anything can happen, sir.
Mr. Edward Magorium: Anything can happen. How absolutely true.
"All stories, even the ones we love, must eventually come to an end and when they do, it's only an opportunity for another story to begin."
"Unlikely adventures require unlikely tools."
Molly Mahoney: I'm stuck!
Mr. Edward Magorium: Oh, to my floor?
Molly Mahoney: No, sir.
Mr. Edward Magorium: Then what?
Molly Mahoney: Like a person.
Mar. 2nd, 2008
09:14 pm - Hmmmmmmmmmm
I see a baby dyke...teehee
Feb. 29th, 2008
12:53 am - Something needs to change
Feb. 23rd, 2008
08:16 pm - Finally
So today wasn't a complete waste...
I jazzed up my resume,
got it all updated & everything,
I applied to FIVE jobs today.
They were all either writing & tutoring.
My resume looked pretty awesome,
(if I do say so myself.)
My fingers are crossed.
Feb. 21st, 2008
Feb. 10th, 2008
03:01 pm - A Zen Story
There was a boy who lived in a village.
On his birthday, he was given a horse.
The villagers rejoiced, 'Oh good! He got a horse!'
And the Zen Master said, 'We'll see.'
Not long after the boy falls from the horse and breaks his leg.
The villagers say 'How terrible, he broke his leg.'
But the Zen Master said, 'We'll see.'
Then a war breaks out
and because the boy was injured he can't go fight in the war.
The villagers said, 'Oh good, he is safe from the war."
And the Zen Master said, 'We'll see.'"
01:01 am - The love gets pushed away.
So I got stupid tonight.
Stupid drunk, that is.
But I met a girl.
Two girls actually.
I gotta start going to these gay things
I met a new best friend too.
He's my male counterpart.
Wow. Such a cutie
and what a sweet guy.
We talked ALL night
and sat beside each other
and drank wine.
And I totally asked a new girl out.
Her name is also Megan.
She's a PhD student
and she is Shane-ish
and totally adorable.
I like her voice.
We've texted since I left.
I'll play it cool tho.
I've thought about Emily all night.
I texted her about the flights
and how I want to make the reservations
from now on
and I didn't hear back from her.
I am in love w/ her,
but I am so frustrated and annoyed w/ her right now
that the love gets pushed away.
And I hate for that to happen,
but it is.
She has a lot to do to make me feel better
if she wants me to come there next weekend.
And I sort of want to........
.......because, like an ass, I miss her.....
...even tho she treats me like shit.
WHY IS THAT???
I'll have to write more about tonight
because I drank too much tonight
and because I feel sick right now.
Feb. 7th, 2008
09:33 pm - Life, on shuffle.
I have been in the computer lab for a while now.
FINALLY I finished my assignments.
I did all three labs (including two charts)
and I wrote a stupid couplet poem.
These poetry classes are ridiculously easy.
There's a reason I'm not opting to take the fiction writing classes, lol.
Guess who ending up being able to help me with my Excel assignment?
He's not as dumb as he looks.
Not a single goddamn word from You-Know-Who.
Can you believe the balls on her?
Adding Jamie to the list and everything last week,
after SHE ASKED ME TO.
I'm the idiot here.
I give and give and give,
'til there's nothing left but anger from being used.
Maybe that's my lesson in this...
I had ice cream earlier.
I wanna go home and watch my movie.
I think I'll walk it
and listen to my iPod
06:50 pm - Dumb Dumb Dumb
Ok I'm pretty annoyed.
For multiple reasons actually,
but the most important being
the fact that ever since I had to erase my computer
and reload everything,
I don't have Microsoft Office,
and therefore do not have Excel,
and therefore am having a helluva time doing my assignment.
So now I have to go back on campus
to the lab
and work on it there.
and I hate girls.
Officially this time.
I'm gonna finish my hummus,
call Kelly on my way to the lab,
seethe a bit,
attempt to do my assignment before it's due at midnight,
call Dell to renew my warranty,
and finish watching 'Lost In Translation.'
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